Strange things happen when you become a teenager. To be honest, you don’t even notice as you switch from dolls to real people. Suddenly, you realise that half of your room is just a pile of junk that you don’t need anymore. Of course there are items that are somewhat “sacred” to you. Silly things that only you know the value of it. I had a few items like that. A few mascots, some memorable rocks etc., and the most important – a few Diaries that I secretly wrote. All things that I needed to say to someone (and there was never anyone) were in there. All secrets, all deepest thoughts, everything that I so wanted to share wit someone, who would never pass it onto anyone. I didn’t trust anyone. Those precious books were my best friend. I knew that whatever I confess, it will stay in there… in secret…
At some point, I can exactly remember how old I was at the time, my grandparents moved to our town. They got a flat, not very far, about 20 minutes walk from us. It was a blessing. As soon as they arrived and settled, I was visiting frequently and soon I managed to make some friends. It was easier here. They didn’t know me that well and by then, I already knew some “rules” in the outside world. It was great at the start but they soon spotted how timid and “inexperienced” I was. However, they approached me a bit differently than others. There was no calling names, there was no pushing around. It was sort of “cool”. Damaged, as I was, I didn’t notice that I am a teen now and at this stage a new style of bullying was to take place. I was comfortable in that environment though, at least for now. It was all new, everyone was kind, I was truly enjoying myself, I felt normal, I felt included and involved. I felt valued… or so I thought.
There were four of us in “pack”. Four girls. The other three were going to the same school and they knew each other from the start. I attached myself to them only by visiting my grandparents and by spending a lot of time outdoors while there. But they accepted me and I was happy.
It was the time, when I started developing and maturing physically. Unfortunately, mentally I was still not there. When I say that, I don’t mean that my school education was behind. I was quite advanced here. Very quick learner, I had photographic memory. What took others to learn over a week, I could read an hour before test and still pass with quite good grading, so no, there was no problem there. The problem was my emotional progress. I was still a trusting child that you can talk over with a sweet speech and empty promises.
Mind or body…? Making a right choice (stock photo)
We all remember our teenage stage, where relations between peers are solely a game of power and display of cockiness. Boys are after girls, and girls are a tease. Nothing is for real, it is exclusively a phase of a hormonal dance. Teenagers are exactly like animals. Physical instincts are at its “high” and body is stronger than mind. This is where we become aware of human nature. It’s commonly known that girls mentally mature earlier than boys. Of course, there are exceptions, but generally that’s how it is. Probably that is the reason why most of the girls prefer the same age, or older partner to be with (with, obviously, exceptions). But I am not going to discuss biology of human kind. My point is, however “physical” their reactions are, young people react very emotionally to everything that is happening around them. The hormonal battle between “need” (body) and “can/cannot” (mind) is a form of natural selection. The strongest will win. Those who can control their actions and adjust their behaviours accordingly – will become strong and independent. The others… well, there are two options. Either they will overcome this stage and will make it to the top, or it will break them and bring to the bottom. There is still a chance that you can manage that push up from the bottom, providing that you won’t let the currents to take you to the deepest of the deep.
You can always push up from the bottom… (Stock photo)
Well, I happened to be the one that dropped down to the bottom, but managed to give it a good push. Before I did that however, there was a lot of currents to swim against. Some of them very strong. You can beat them though. The strength has to come from within you, but about 80% comes from the environment. Once a person finds the 20% within themselves, it is important to create a supportive 80% around them. I cannot stress enough how important it is. There are individuals, who can overcome lack of support and move forward, but most of them will need a helping hand.
In my case, such a helping hand was one of the girls in my group of four. While I was becoming wild and uncontrollable, she was the one that kept me sane and didn’t let me to roll down to the VERY bottom. She was a teen herself though, and she couldn’t exactly watch me all the time. She did her best though and I will be thankful for that forever.
We went through a lot together. I learned a lot from her, but also I learned a lot from other girls (dark horses). They made me a mix that I am today. But about that, in the next chapter…
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